The Best Laid Plans of Potters and Grangers
by whimsycality
Summary: Harry has plans. Harry is not a stalker. Harry is beginning to think he may not be very good at planning.


**A/N:** Short and sweet ficlet set in a verse in which Sirius didn't chase Peter, and Dumbledore did what he should have done and hunted down the Horcruxes before Voldie ever got his body back. Harry and co. got to have normal childhoods, well, as normal as life in magical Britain can be. Set during fifth year.

This is a very belated birthday present to my darling sister.

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Harry skulked in the back of the library, ostensibly looking for a book on Grindelwald as he snuck peeks of his bushy-haired best friend between the gaps in the shelves. He was so caught up in watching her nibble on the end of the charmed pencil he'd gotten her for Christmas that he failed to notice his cousin, also perusing the history section.

"Still haven't finished Professor Lupin's essay?" Draco asked him, making Harry jump almost out of his skin as he whipped his head away from Hermione to meet amused grey eyes. He grit his teeth and sighed. 'Family is important, Harry'. Sirius had taught him that very early and Harry agreed. He still wanted to strangle his arrogant cousin sometimes though.

"You can call him Remus, you know. You spend enough time at our place," Harry responded dryly as he summoned his wits, and stole another glance at Hermione, still utterly involved in the ridiculously large book she was reading, one of several stacked around her.

"You can call him Remus, he's married to your godfather. I will call him Professor Lupin until we have graduated from Hogwarts. Then I may consider calling him something else," Draco retorted. "Now why do I get the feeling you're not actually here because of our History essay?"

Harry swallowed his instant response of 'Because you're not as airheaded as you look,' and fought down a flush. "Of course I'm here for that. Need to add an extra six inches on the factors that led to Grindelwald's rise to power."

"Mmhmm," Draco hummed knowingly, and then sighed in resignation as a third student joined them in the stacks. Harry chuckled to himself as he pictured Draco repeating his earlier mantra. Harry thought Luna was fantastic, she was one of his best friends. Draco, who was her second cousin as evidenced by their matching silver eyes and white blonde hair, was less than thrilled by her friendship. Largely, Harry thought, because his father was a bigoted prick who taught him that only _certain_ family was important. Good thing Draco had Harry and Sirius to teach him the right way of things, he thought with a smirk as Luna slipped her arm through Draco's and beamed up at both of them.

"Are we lurking? Why are we lurking? Do I need a disguise?" Luna asked them, her smile brightening. "I like disguises."

Harry's smile dimmed as Draco favored Luna with a warmer expression than usual. "I don't know Luna, why don't we ask Harry why we're lurking?"

They turned and looked at him with eerily similar gazes, one pair of silver eyes sharper, but the other no less piercing for all of its oddness. Harry groaned and scrubbed a hand over his face. "We are _not_ lurking."

"Are we stalking someone?" Luna asked, far too perceptively for Harry's comfort. Before he could reply, yet another student joined them and it was very difficult for Harry to resist the urge to bang his head against one of the heavy books next to him when he saw Ginny's sharp smile as she slung an arm around her girlfriend's shoulders.

"Who are we stalking? And is it for fun or something more nefarious?" Ginny turned her bright blue eyes on Luna, who had pulled away from Draco to snuggle happily into Ginny's side. "I thought we'd agreed that you wouldn't start any new plots without me."

"It's not my plot," Luna replied chipperly. "It's Harry's."

"If it's Harry's, then it's definitely something nefarious," Ginny said with a wide grin as she looked back up, Draco chuckling in clear agreement.

Harry scowled at all three of them, frustration crawling over his skin like the vicious rash he'd developed after bumping into the wrong plant during his last Herbology class. He loved them all, he really did, but right now he really just wanted them to _bugger right off_.

A moment of heavy silence brought to his attention that he may have growled that last bit out loud. When he looked away from the half-amused, half-concerned glances of his friends, he saw Hermione staring at him through the gap in the shelves, one of her eyebrows raised in an expression that was so _Hermione_ that he groaned again. "I give up," he nearly snarled, turning away from all of them to head out of the library before Madam Pince swooped down like the avenging angel she imitated so well.

"Give up on what?" Luna asked as he strode away, Harry tuning out the murmured responses of her cousin and girlfriend. That had not gone as planned and he was beginning to wonder desperately if it ever would, given the lack of privacy at Hogwarts. You'd think a giant castle with hundreds of forgotten nooks and crannies, dozens of floors, and temperamental passageways and doors would afford more opportunities for _notlurkingorstalkingbutsomethingelsehecouldn'tquitename_ but you'd be wrong.

Three days and two more botched plans later and Harry had come up with something that should be totally foolproof. Or at least Harry's never-predictable-luck proof.

He'd asked for Hermione's help with their Potions assignment. He'd gotten Ginny to ask Luna on a date so they'd be busy, and told Hermione he didn't want to study with Draco because he was tired of being mocked by the other boy, whose own godfather favored him. He'd gotten the house elves to set up a picnic in the room of requirement. He'd even gotten Remus's promise to keep Peeves occupied, which neatly took care of two problems at once.

Somehow, it had never occurred to him to prepare for the twins to break out of their recent scholastic diligence—thanks entirely to the upcoming NEWTS and Remus's careful influence as one of their beloved Mauraders—and decide that Harry was the perfect product tester/sales dummy for their latest set of inventions.

Cursing his own stupidity and lack of forethought, Harry stared forlornly at Hermione, seated on the other side of the common room and doing her best to hide her grin behind a book. His skin was a brilliant crimson. Golden lions prowled up and down his arms like animate tattoos, one peeking above the collar of his shirt to restlessly circle his throat. His hair looked like molten gold, occasionally emitting red sparks that had worried him before one landed on his cheek and disappeared in a puff of glitter and no actual flames.

"Spirit suckers! Show off your house pride! Also available with the colors and mascots of all the professional Quidditch teams!" Fred cried, waving his arms around Harry like an enthusiastic carnival barker.

George winked at Ron, lurking nearby with Dean and Seamus. "Support your favorite team and maybe they'll score a goal at the next match!"

"Even if it's just because you distracted their opponents," Fred chimed back in, flicking his wand at his younger brother so his hair brightened to Chudley Cannon orange.

"How long is this going to last?" Harry asked in a low mutter, before Ron could retaliate and set off another prank war in the common room. They still hadn't made up for all the points lost last time.

Fred ruffled his hair and George beamed. "Don't worry, Harrikins. It'll wear off by tomorrow. Pretty sure if you showed up to Potions like this, Snape would preemptively fail you for the next two years and we can't have that."

Harry snorted, almost irritated enough to ask for another just so he could see Snape's face if he did. His evening plans were definitely ruined. This was the least seductive he'd ever looked. Not that he was trying to seduce, er—Harry cut himself off, suddenly very grateful that the sucker-induced charms were hiding his blush.

"Are we done now? I have homework to do," he huffed out, fingers curling into half-fists as he contemplated how much careful planning had just gone to waste.

"Sure, sure, baby Prongs. You've done your part," George agreed, an avaricious light in his eyes as students lined up by Fred and started pulling out sickles and galleons. "Nice doing business with you."

Harry didn't bother responding to that implication of consent on his part, just stalked over to Hermione's study corner and collapsed into the chair next to her, chin sinking down to his chest in a perfect picture of dejection.

His best friend laughed softly, reaching over to tweak some of his hair. "It doesn't look half bad, you know. Very impressive charmwork."

"I'll tell them you said so. Maybe they'll pick you for their next show," Harry said, more than a little petulant.

Hermione just grinned, then tucked her book in her bag and grabbed his hand. "Come on, let's get out of here."

Harry did his best to swallow his lingering irritation and let her tug him out of the chair and then out of the common room. He would follow Hermione anywhere, even if he did look like an overripe tomato someone dipped in gilt paint.

After a moment, he realized where she was leading him and suddenly stopped, Hermione halted by the fingers she still had wrapped around his wrist. He narrowed his eyes at her and she laughed.

"Harry. You are a talented seeker, not a half-bad student, too sneakily clever for your own good, and too reckless for mine. You have the most capricious luck of anyone I've ever met or read about. And you are _terrible_ at both plans and subtlety."

Harry gaped and Hermione grinned, then reached out and pushed his jaw shut. "Luckily for you, I am excellent at both of those things. Now, I believe we have a picnic waiting for us?"

Harry stared for a moment longer, wondering how, exactly, he'd lucked out enough to have someone as smart as her for a best friend. Twisting his hand so that he could capture hers, he pulled her flush against him, pleased by the flush that spread across the warm brown skin of her cheeks. "You are at excellent at everything, Hermione Granger," he told her, then leaned down slow enough for her to stop him if she wanted.

Which she clearly did not, as she impatiently yanked him down to her level and pressed their lips together. Harry laughed in startlement, then didn't feel like laughing at all as the kiss grew more insistent, her hands slipping up to circle his neck as his flailed for a moment before settling on her hips. _This_ was what he'd been waiting for, and it was every bit as brilliant as he'd hoped.

When they finally broke for air, Hermione settled back on her heels, an unfamiliar heat in her eyes that made Harry feel like she'd cast a warming charm on him, tingling all the way down to his toes. Her gaze slid downward and then the moment broke, laughter spilling out of her as she collapsed against his chest.

"What? What is it?" Harry asked, not at all averse to her closeness but more than a little concerned at the sudden mood shift.

"The lions, they're—" Hermione couldn't finish her sentence, collapsing into giggles again. She pulled her communication mirror out of her pocket and held it up so he could see his throat. All six of the lions prowling his skin had made their way there, rolling around on their backs with fangs bared in toothy grins.

"Oh my god." Harry knew he would have been bright red even without the sucker and he tilted Hermione's chin up so she had to look at him. "We are never telling Fred and George about this."

She nodded, shoulders still shaking with laughter. "Come on, lion boy. Let's get out of the hallway; I want to see what else we can make them do."

Harry's eyes widened, his cheeks suddenly sore from how wide he was grinning. "Sounds like an excellent plan to me, Ms. Granger."


End file.
